MY OLD NAME
During my Beltane ritual this early morning, the Great Goddess whispered in my ear that it was time for a change. A big one. It was time to change my magickal name, my Craft name.I have been Blackened Phoenix for about 5 or 6 years now. Before that it was Persephone Phoenix. "Blackened" felt almost like choosing a simile rather than an outright change. I chose it because I have always loved the myth of the phoenix and often contemplated the moment after it had consumed itself in the fire, but was yet to be reborn. It always seemed to be a place full of potential. Like my life. It was the moment before the phoenix was reborn and transformed itself.
When my aunt first saw the name, she said "Sounds like someone's gone through a trial by fire." I had no idea that this was what was indeed in store for me. I had always identified with the goddess Persephone, but never as much as I did after my husband died. I felt like I had been metaphorically raped of my innocence and was a prisoner in the underworld. I went through a deep depression. Ever so slowly I emerged but I never felt like I had completely shaken this "dark night of the soul." The name Blackened Phoenix had never felt more right. At the same time, I started to feel like I was over identifiying with Persephone.
How could I possibly heal from the death of my husband if my own name reminded me of it? For the past several months, I have known my magickal name was holding me back. After all, the blackened phoenix stays dead and never is reborn. In fact, I kept waiting for my widowed but new strong, independent to self to emerge but instead I felt stuck. Like I was waiting to be reborn. Or waiting to be allowed to emerge from the underworld.
In the last few years I have tried to figure out if I chose the name because I had a premonition about what my future held or if the name had actually become my worst enemy. Of course it hadn't caused Scott's death, but I often wondered if it was the cause of my depression and inability to move forward. Had I let "Blackened Phoenix" become my entire persona? Instead of changing the name, I spent a year trying to break free of it. Even though I was consciously trying to be who I wanted, I think unconsciously I still identified with it. I was well aware that the only person holding me back in life was me!
It wasn't until today, on Beltane, that I finally found the courage to break free of the identity I have been trapped in for years. Today, I faced my fears and I finally let go of the woman and witch that was Blackened Phoenix. I'm just not that person anymore!
MY NEW NAME
I have always admired and tried to emulate my favorite archetype, the peaceful warrioress. The name Serenity Athenina feels absolutely perfect. It's derived from the goddess Athena. Athena is the a Greek warrior goddess and the goddess of wisdom, skill, and learning. And I honestly never knew this until today, but some say she was the goddess of crafts and domestic arts.
At first I had decided to use the name Athena. But after doing some research and a lot of thought, I decided to vary the second name slightly because Athena technically wasn't a peaceful warrior. Also taking the name of a deity does make me feel a bit like I'm full of myself. Finally, if the Blackened Phoenix was a reflection of my actual life do I really want to risk having all the attributes or life circumstances of a warrior goddess? I don't even want to know what that would look like! Choosing a variation of Athena makes more sense.
MORE ON CHOOSING A MAGICKAL NAME
The Magickal Name
Choosing a Magical Name
Your Magical Name
Magical Names
How To Choose a Bad Magickal Name (satire)
Source: spells-and-chants.blogspot.com
