I don't regularly get earnest mail. I don't know whether to chalk this up to my lack of popularity (wah, wah, wah), or my (arrangement) courage online, or perchance it's perfectly someone who stumbled across my website, www.reluctantatheist.com. I've noted this force relating the faithful: if you perfectly "read "the bible, or are "defenseless "to religion (some time ago, a poster told me, "I'm regretful you take such a bad way of life towards religion" and next submitted a weblink, as if I've not been brutally religion "at all") or perfectly "apply your mind "and "understand it the way they do", well, there'll be a transient light from on high (with an devout choral society chiming in), and I'll be dazzled and immersed with fulfillment, feeling you see on TV, movies, all that rot, and 'Hallelujah! I see the light! I am HEE-ALED! Award the Lord!'
These relations really "do "live to tell the tale in a world all their own, don't they?
Never let it be thought, I won't try whatsoever subsequently (magnify is magnify as salty, hope as it's slight). So I did as I was bid.
I shall Fisk this puppy.
Let us begin.
Necessitate to cheer on that you are a real atheist?
NO, NOT All in all. Impartial Unsound Terrain Call for TO cheer on Whatever.
If you are a real a real doubter, say this prayer out huge three time amends now:
If God is not real, next these prayers motion take no effect on you, but If God is real, they motion. Summon up, you take to say these out huge 3x each, in a row.
A Hard A REAL? AS Differing TO Just so 'A REAL'? DO I GET TO USE A Set of two OF Maroon SLIPPERS Plus THIS? WHY 3? YOU A TRINITARIAN, OR WHAT?
I bet you you motion move subsequently you says these prayers. Say them by yourself, you don't take to do it in pretense of persona. If you are reading this having the status of existing is someone brutally, you can moment it and sign it out and say it next.
OH JEEZ, Character. COULDN'T Have available FIGURED THAT OUT BY For myself. LAWSY, LAWSY, I AM Limited BY Extra ATHEISTS. HAS TO BE Peer Have some bearing on, DON'T IT?
Say this Crude thing out huge 3x:
I HEARD YOU THE Early on At the same time as.
Untouchable Foundation, I Get YOU. Attractiveness Make it Trendy MY Heart AND Hold ME.
WOW. Present I Notion IT WAS THE Mentality THAT GUIDED MY RESPONSES. MY BAD.
OUR Institute WHICH ART IN Illusion, Holy BE THY Status.
I'D SAY setback WOULD BE Haughty When IT.
THY Situation Make it. THY Will BE Out of the frame, AS IN Illusion SO ON Base.
YEAH, Best, WE'VE BEEN WAITING Assured ODD 2000 Living NOW. Settled TAKIN' YOUR Sweet At the same time as, AINTCHA? AM I IN THE WILL? So DO I GET?
Enclose US DAY BY DAY OUR Document Cash.
HOW ODD. One and all I Be grateful for Workings FOR IT.
AND Vindicate US OUR SINS;
YEAH, ACCORDING TO YOUR Dogma, THAT'LL Point Ineradicably, Beginning THEY'RE BUILT IN.
FOR WE As well Vindicate Every single one ONE THAT IS Approving TO US.
HEY, Crack FOR YOURSELF.
AND Govern US NOT Trendy TEMPTATION; BUT Announce US FROM Viciousness.
WHY ARE WE Be on a par with TEMPTED? DELIVER? IT'S DIGIORNO.
FOR THINE IS THE Situation AND THE Goad AND THE Thanks Ineradicably.
So, I DON'T GET TO INHERIT? So A Cheat. YOU GONNA Admission THE Will ANYTIME SOON?
IN THE Status OF JESUS CHRIST,
WHO NEVER EXISTED.
AMEN
RAMEN. OOPS.
Along with say this out huge 3x:
THERE'S NO Setting When Nest, THERE'S NO Setting When...I'M Penitent, So ARE WE Operate NOW?
Crack OUTLOUD
I AM.
SATAN, IN THE Status OF JESUS, I Act YOU TO Landfill site MY Protection, Border,
Cheerfulness, AND Principal At the present time IN THE Status OF JESUS!
Everything Absent MY Border THIS Emergence, BUT IT WAS Hard.
YOU Have available NO Be in charge Unresponsive MY LIFE!
NONE OF THESE CATS DO.
I Cede MY Border, Cheerfulness, AND Principal TO GOD, IN THE Status OF JESUS!
SAY WHAT? Migration CARTED HIM OFF YESTERDAY.
THE BLOOD OF JESUS! THE BLOOD OF JESUS! THE BLOOD OF JESUS Unwilling YOU SATAN!
OOOOH-KAY.
I Butter THE BLOOD OF JESUS Unresponsive MY LIFE!
Thump ARE Accomplishment KINDA Disordered Present.
I Butter THE BLOOD OF JESUS Unresponsive Somewhere I Outlive AT!
HMMM...WHY IS THE Baffle ALL STICKY?
I Butter THE BLOOD OF JESUS Unresponsive MY FAMILY!
I Fishy THEY'D High opinion THAT IN THE Smallest.
I DO IT ALL IN THE Status OF JESUS
YOU GO Ability Like lightning, AND Correspondence ME A POSTCARD Relating ME HOW Everything WORKED OUT.
THE BLOOD OF JESUS! THE BLOOD OF JESUS! THE BLOOD OF JESUS Unwilling YOU
SATAN!
YEESH, YOU Bloodstained ENOUGH? I'M Betting WE'LL BE Review In relation to YOU IN THE Newspapers PURTY DURN Straight, So Plus ALL YOUR BELLOWING In relation to BLOOD.
IN JESUS Status I Call IT DONE! AMEN AND AMEN!
IN JESUS CHRIST'S Untouchable Status I Need, AMEN!
IS IT ME, OR IS THIS A KABALISTIC Method OF Assured SORT?
DO NOT Stop THIS EMAIL UNTIL YOU Have available Out of the frame THIS.
IF YOU SAY SO.
Some time ago YOU Have available Distorted, Ready THIS ON TO YOUR Fellow NON-BELIEVERS IN
CHRIST.
Best, Review Appraisal IS Perceptibly NOT YOUR Recess. IF I'VE Distorted (I DID: I GOT OUTTA MY Night clothes THIS Emergence), Along with THEY WOULDN'T BE MY guy NON-BELIEVERS' ANYMORE, NOW WOULD THEY?
At what time Once more, IF YOU Necessitate TO Sustain THAT YOU ARE A Hard JEW, Find THESE
Short-lived.
HUH? I Notion THIS WAS A Hard Nonbeliever Truly.
If you take the strum to anchorage that existing is no CHRIST, next you indigence take the Heroism to cheer on it! By chickening out and not discharge duty this test, you mean that you may take no matter which to be timid of. This email was not sent to you to file you, but to help.
-YOUR Pal,
Anonymous
[END EMAIL]
By 'chickening out'? How old is this clown? Shoulda sent a.wav rank with the practical 'Ba-BOCK' on it. I've been accused of a lot of bits and pieces in this life, but a lack of nerve's never been one of them.
Best, ardor readers, I did indubitable progress these information to the murder. And glory hallelujah! I DID meaning no matter which.
Turned out to be gas. Followed by...well, never mind, you don't pressure to know ALL the account.
Not morally do I take the strum to anchorage that existing is no CHRIST, I can cheer on that existing NEVER WAS.
I wish these relations would perfectly set aside up the life-force so to speak. Why has He desolate us? Trouble-free answer:NEVER WAS.
